So, because I’m a funny (and slightly perverted) fellow, I often make silly gags on profile texts and the likes of it on social media and in games.
One of my profile texts goes as follows: “You can’t spell assassin without saying ass.” Twice, even. That’s witty, it’s true, and it makes you say “ass” in a very clean and rather innocent context.
So, as you’re probably well aware, some people on the internet are a bit, let’s say, stock up their sleeves, right, they don’t like it when people talk about genitalia, or poop, or sex, and the list goes on. Now, normally, one of these kinds of persons are, without making a general statement of a larger group of people, from the US. So, it was to my surprise when a person, claiming themselves to be a UK citizen (with the profile text “The Queen of Chalsea” yes, you read the right, the famous part of the capital of the UK, Londan, Chalsea), in an inbox message wrote: “Asazesin”.
Now, I am used to getting saucy, raunchy and, often, poorly-written messages, but out of context I simply replied “What?”, because that was pretty much my initial reaction. This, presumed, British person then goes on to explain how you can say “Assassin” without saying “ass”, at which point, I’m intrigued. Because… That is how you spell the word “Ass-ass-in”, there is literally no other way to spell that word, it’s hard to even pronounce it without saying ass. Just because I’m also a nice guy, I decide to correct a potential misunderstanding, so I point out, in a friendly and simplified matter, that “Ass-ass-in” is how the word is WRITTEN DOWN in various dictionaries, even in Urban Dictionary, which sometimes takes a liberal twist on the spelling of a word.
Instead of this Queen of Chalsea realising my point, I instead get a stream of inbox messages, not a single LONG text, no many small ones, with my initial thoughts in parenthesis and italic:
“I mean Asazsin in a different way u see it but sounds the same without ass” (oh… kay?)
“How’s that?” (it’s… well, it’s not Asazesin, that’s for sure, still not spelled right though.)
“Im using as instead on ass” (OH THAT’S WHAT YOU DID, honestly, I thought it was the ze/z thing that you had going for you, my bad.)
“Of ass” (Good, you corrected a typo. Shame that you missed the other one, it’s going to get lonely now, “Im” sure.)
“hmm we can’t say nothing can’t be made in a dictionary as a short new term for it think about it” (Technically, you are correct, but that is just not how dictionaries work, “covfefe” haven’t been added to any, real, dictionary yet, even though it was/is a popular term.)
“if u think about it though” (Hmm… No, I’m pretty sure that if I think further about it, I’m only more certain that the only way, as of today, to spell “assassin”, is by using “ass” twice.)
“There’s many letters that can take up sounds buy adding an make up words that’s possible to put in a dictionary for something” (Yes, there are many letters, and yes, you CAN put them together to make sounds, and if written down, they may SEEM like actual words. It’s just unfortunate that a sound only rarely qualifies as a word. Random letters thrown together to, somewhat, resemble a word, is not making a word.)
“I mean adding letters to make simple letter sound the same” (I er… what? No. Still not how you make a word.)
“Plus what if it’s some idk Arabic or African name for somebody in real life” (Ah, well a name isn’t technically a word either, also I’m not exactly certain you know what you’re talking about anymore.)
“Asazsin” (Yes, you’ve said that once, and it seems you’re very proud of your creation. That still doesn’t make a word though.)
A few minutes pass, where I don’t know if I should respond to this further, clearly, we’re so far down the rabbit-hole, oh I’m sorry the repped-huel, that I do not believe it’s possible for me to make this person see reason. Just as I was about to just let it be, I get a final message, the true icing on the cake, if you like:
“who blieves in dictonarys anyways? theyre just old words in books” (Well, there we have it; I think we have discovered the root of the problem.)
I’d really wish that I could help this Queen of Chalsea, but at age 28 (supposedly), I am just not sure how to motivate a person like into learning basic spelling.
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